So, you’ve been matched to a mentor, either via a scholarship programme, graduate programme or the learning system in your organisation. Now what? How do you get the most value from your mentoring relationship? How do you approach your mentor? How do you deal with the awkwardness of connecting with this person? What if you’re not a good match?
Firstly, take a deep breath. You can certainly make this relationship work! Mentoring is a very important support system but it only works when there are certain components in place. Mentoring is typically a mutually beneficial relationship where someone who is quite established in a system, is paired with another who is fairly new to the system. The mentor will guide and support the new person by helping them see the bigger picture, guiding them with leadership skills and career guidance, too. A mentor is also a thinking partner.
This all sounds great but how do you make the relationship work? Here are some hacks to help you on your way:
Awkward is the new normal, embrace it!
Meeting someone for the first time and trying to find a connection with him/her is very normal. Embrace it. The good news is that the more you meet and relax into the relationship, the more ‘normal’ it will start to feel, and the awkwardness will start to dwindle
How do you approach your mentor?
That depends. If you’ve been matched with someone then you don’t need to approach them, but you do need to think about setting up the initial few meetings. Most mentors are fairly senior in their respective fields and really busy so you will need to get into their diary asap. Always remember that it’s YOUR job to drive these meetings and the meeting agenda.
If you have identified someone whom you’d like to be your mentor, then start by initiating a conversation with that particular person. You may not want to mention the m-word right upfront (will you be my mentor?) but you might want to start chatting to them about exactly what you’d like to learn from them. Be specific and clear. Everyone appreciates that.
How do you get the most out of your mentoring relationship?
Well, one of the most important principles which you need to remember is that YOU (the mentee) must drive this relationship. So, think about what you want to learn from your mentor. And it’s ok if this changes over time, but have some learning goals. Discuss these with your mentor and be open about them. Don’t hold back! When the mentor knows what you have in mind, they can contract with you about exactly what they can share and where you might need to connect with someone else. And the good news is that your mentor can probably give you an introduction to that other person. The most important thing is to be prepared, do the groundwork and go in with a plan. Don’t leave that thinking work to the mentor.
Speaking of contracting, I always suggest that the first meeting with your mentor should be a contracting meeting before you dive into the learning goals. Questions during contracting can include – “How often do we want to meet?”, “What are the goals of this relationship?”, “How will we measure success?” etc. The answers to these questions might change, but at least start with this so that you have measures in place.
How often should we meet and how long should the meeting be?
Right now, prepare yourself for most meetings to happen online. Use platforms like Zoom, Teams, WhatsApp etc. to meet your mentor. Ideally, it’s great to meet your mentor once a month. The meeting can be anything from 30 minutes to an hour. I always suggest that it’s not necessarily about the amount of time spent but rather how much value you can get from the meeting. Sometimes a 20-minute conversation can really pack a punch and other times you’ll need longer.
What if it doesn’t work out?
You might not feel a connection with your mentor immediately. Give it time. This connection is not an instant thing, rather grow into it. Remember, your mentor might be as anxious as you are! If, after trying, it still doesn’t feel like you are connecting, then chat to your scholarship manager or graduate programme manager. They might intervene and call a meeting to try and iron out the issues. Failing which, they may allocate you to a different mentor. Before you throw in the towel though, give it time and give it a try. There is something to learn in forming connections with different types of people.
Have fun!
This is so important. Don’t get so caught up in the nerves that you don’t have fun. Relax and trust the process. Ease into the relationship and give it time to settle. Enjoy every minute of the journey because it will be over before you know it. And hopefully you can stay in touch with your mentor well beyond the formal relationship.
Happy learning!
